Sunday, August 14, 2011

Miracle or Mistake?

I'll keep these two.

This is the last in a series of posts I've written covering Channing's NICU story.

Read Part 1 here
Read Part 2 here
Read Part 3 here
Read Part 4 here
Read Part 5 here
Read Part 6 here

Miracle or medical mistake?
As I mentioned before, members of the hospital staff immediately threw out the word miracle. If you know me well you know that miracle really isn’t in my vocabulary. We were told there was no medical explanation for her MRI looking so different from the CT scan. Remember, they said this was an impossibility. That's pretty much the definition of a miracle, isn't it?

So was it divine intervention or a medical mistake? I'm not sure. I've struggled with my faith for many years now. There are so many people that deserve god's grace more than I. Now MG and his parents, they deserve it. They've been through unimaginable tragedy but me, I don't. Life's pretty much always gone my way. I didn't pray after Channing's diagnosis. I was too angry. I know lots of others did on our behalf. So maybe I received this blessing by association?!

I remember reading the blog of a woman whose unborn child was diagnosed via amnio with Down Syndrome. Amniocentesis is 99% accurate. She said she prayed and prayed and prayed that she was in that 1%, that when her baby was born they were going to say "We were wrong. Here is your perfect baby!!". That didn't happen for her. It's not the same situation but I felt like I'm in that 1%. It happened for me and I'm completely unworthy. Some days it's still hard for me to accept the gift I've been given. I'm working on it though.

I’ve been asked if we have any animosity towards the doctors. I did, I do. I wanted them to apologize. I wanted them to realize how much they tortured us. I wanted them to admit they were wrong. The neurologist never sent us a final bill. Is that an apology? Considering how much he gets paid, it probably is!! Ultimately though, they saved my daughter’s life and I’ll always be thankful for that. That's way better than any apology. Fortunately, Channing's care was never changed or compromised by this diagnosis. I've said it before, I’ll never forget the amazing nursing staff at St. John’s.

This concludes Channing’s NICU story and the hardest three months of our lives. I’m not sure exactly how to sum this up. Our daughter was born 13 weeks early. We were told she had a brain defect that would leave her severely disabled, then we were told 3 months later that she didn’t. She's growing, she's healthy and we're all happy!

1 comment:

  1. So happy for you all. One of the most amazing pieces of this entire story is how you and MG will never forget one single moment and Channing will never know that she was anything but a happy, healthy perfect girl- until you tell her. They don't remember any of the pain or suffering which is such a blessing.